There’s a bit of a warrior queen in me that wants to protect my creative space. If I could make a moat of distance between me and the world I would do it. Barricading myself into a turret room and staying there for as long as it took or until I was thoroughly weary of it.
I also know that no sooner had I closed the door, than I would weep for the loss of my life and I would tear my hair out for loneliness. Because I understand the curse of having all the time in the world and no excuses left to fall back on. But for now I rest in this confusion, leave the door ajar and continue to juggle.
I’ve been reading an ancient myth about Demeter and Persephone. Persephone must taste first the sweet and then the bitter juice of the pomegranate seeds which she could not resist eating in the wintry underworld. The up and down side of every decision. Her deal with Hades was that she would always return to his dark place for a third of each year. For the rest of the time she would be liberated and reunited with her beautiful mother nature, Demeter.
These seeds and the ransoms women pay are on my mind.
Which deal must I make now? Either the one to close the door or the one to return to the light? There is always some price and even though I know that winter always returns, I want to deny it. So how do I get the balance right?
By coincidence (or not) I met a writer on the road and I told her the story. Do you know what she said? “But it’s only for one third of the year that Persephone had to endure the underworld. Is that not a pretty good deal?”
And I laughed, because yes, our lives are a big improvement on enslavement or going down the mines, and this is the same argument I use myself, all the time. I am always grateful. But if women’s own creative soul had never been denied to us, if patriarchy had never dominated the world, if we were permitted to dream, would we be satisfied with any bargain that did not offer us FULL power?
Studying this myth is a rich source for delving into these questions. It is challenging the limitations that always draw me back into the service of others and away from a personal path…….