I can frame exactly where I was this time last year. Not used to the world of illness and death I was being confronted by it in a painful way.
The old numb denial wouldn't work. I remember the first frost and how I tried to escape into it. Anything to distract. It didn't work.
So this morning it is another first frost of winter. I need to explore it. I don the wellies, the wooly hat the gloves. The sun is barely rising.
Soon I am cold through. My heart is heavy. The grief pervades.
The swans are sleeping on the other shore. I disturb two hen pheasants who almost fly into my face and I now have photos of blurry lumps!
Out of all the confusion I do what I do. I go to work. But every time I look deeply into the fleeting beauty, the fragility, the faeries dancing, I see sadness and loss.
In a linear worldview the loss of each moment of fragile beauty is a tragedy. In a circular one each death is pregnant with life; and the fact that beauty is fragile is an indication of its vibrancy.
ReplyDeleteYour rainbows within rainbows are visible just for a few seconds. But I think that there must be a sense in which they're always there. Awareness of their presence provides balance even when we lack the right light and lens.
That doesn't negate grief and loss. It seems to make them a necessary part of the picture, just as you need shadow to show light.
I don't know if this worldview is a valid one. But everything I see in the world around me - and in your photography - would seem to bear it out. Thank you for your post and your pictures. They're beautiful and they've sharpened my day.
Thank you for those wonderful words. It has actually given me a bit of another perspective. Especially that "sense in which they are always there.....when we lack the right light and lens" Very beautiful and apt. Sometimes I can stay in touch with that and sometimes it just isn't real for me. LIfe!
DeleteBeautiful. Thanks for sharing.
ReplyDeleteThank you for your kind words:~)
DeleteThinking of you. I whispered wow on seeing those rainbow shots. Have you read Kathleen Dean Moore's Wild Comfort? Your words reminded me of it, that tenuous connection between happiness and sorrow is one she describes so well. Although she does have some harsh descriptions of nature, so maybe not right away. On a day you feel ready to explore that.
ReplyDeleteThank you yet again and for that recommendation. A knife edge! Will follow up on it too:~))
DeleteSorrow presses upon us all, but I think there is solace to be found in rainbows within rainbows, and in the fact that you took these wonderful photographs and shared them with us. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteThose rainbows are so fragile and delicate, just like we sometimes feel. An anniversary on death is always a difficult time to bear no matter how many years have past. Thinking of you.
ReplyDeleteSarah x
Your photos in your blog bring joy, comfort and solace to others, as do your words. You will get through this.
ReplyDeleteTime is the great healer. Beauty and solitude too, the chance to shepherd your thoughts and memories, so the pain
ReplyDeletebecomes less sharp and recollections bring solace. We share this world, families share genes, friends share memories, all connected.
Catherine, How blessed you are to be able to see sadness and loss, and not run away from them. To face grief squarely is a 'mining of the Soul', which is invaluable.
ReplyDeleteYour words are razor edged, yet filled with the truth of humanity and soulfulness. Your photographs are fragile, yet ever so strong. Yes, your Soul is being mined.
There is an Indian Proverb that speaks to this time: "If the eyes never knew tears, the Soul would never know a Rainbow." Dia duit a chara. ~Beannaichte'!
In your darkness you found light, the most incredible, multi-hued, magnificent light. Thank for sharing that gift with us here xxx
ReplyDeleteYour images of the rainbows within rainbows is spectacular.
ReplyDeleteI will keep you in my prayers and may time heal all your pain and that only good memories prevail.
Helen xx
What a beautiful words, life can be difficult, and there's always a rainbow within a rainbow as you captured on your photo so magnificent.
ReplyDeleteI hear your pain. Your ability to capture the tiny rainbows, to see them, and then capture them, makes MY heart sing. Hope a little of your music sings softly for your heart.
ReplyDeleteDiana
Such a powerful..evocative post. It's amazing how the simplest beauty can evoke such sorrow and pain. Gorgeous imagery!!!
ReplyDeleteI am wishing that you find the beauty and dancing light brings you a bit of gladness to your heart and soul. The heaviness will lift more and more with time but it will always be there to some degree...it is finding ways to lift the veil for a while that helps us through. Your rainbows certainly have lifted my veil and I thank you!
ReplyDeleteThe beautiful light bring simplicity to what could be, a scene of chaos.
ReplyDelete