OK I have to admit it. I was out looking for something big and impressive. Too much drama in your life and losing the run of yourself will have that effect!
I was stalking the heron always liable to show up even if he is flying away from me, and I knew the swans were back on the lake for the winter. I was there, waiting, ready to shoot. Even sounds so wrong now! Ready to "shoot." Full of expectation and hoping for bigger, for better, for perfection!
I was rationalising and angsting, big time. Listening to bulldozers in the distance, fearing the changes that are taking place all around here as agriculture becomes the new boom business. Rehearsing some sad tale in my head about the decline of the wilderness and the end of civilization as we know it.
The next big thing never made an entrance. I was forced to stand there, to be there, to let the light find me. The reeds reflected patterns in the water, the fish surfaced and disappeared again. Thrushes flitted cleverly creating constant distractions as I missed each one!
Then I noticed the little guys! All the time they were there in the bushes and trees. Too small, too bland, too common.....I had spent a day trying to write something about "what I've learned from blogging." And here it was writ large. That "trying" too hard doesn't work. That trusting the process is essential. That small stuff is good stuff if that's the story that is there to be told.
It's the only way that feels real to me anyway. A lesson in humility learned and yes I'm still holding out for the big guys too when they finally decide to show up!